AP Photo- Mark Arum, winner of the 2000 RSERBBL,

����������������� recently hosted a national fantasy baseball radio call-in show.���

 

 

Fantasy Baseball Talk Show on WSB Radio 750 AM������������������������ �����������������������������������������������

 

ATLANTA, GA �The RSERBBL is more than a bunch of engineering geeks turned sports geeks.��� One league member, Mark Arum, is a well-renowned talk radio personality in Atlanta.���� Recently, he hosted a nationally broadcasted fantasy baseball call-in show.���� The transcript is contained below.

 

Arum:�� �Welcome to the Mark Arum Super-Genius Fantasy Baseball Hour.�� This morning, we�re broadcast nationally, and

��������������� I�m taking questions to help you kick some butt in your 2006 fantasy baseball league.��� So, let�s go straight to our callers!�������

 

Caller:� �This is Mike Smith from Eastbuttphuck, Montana.����� What would you do with fourteen picks in the first ten rounds�?�����

Arum:���Win�

Smith:�� �How would you do that�?�����

Arum:�� �Pick good players.�

Smith:�� �Thanks, Mark!���� Now I know why I haven�t done so well in the RSERBBL.��� I haven�t been picking good players.�

Arum:�� �That�s the kind of expert opinion Mark Arum is known for.��� Let�s go to our next caller.�

�����

Caller:� �This is Dave Fribourg.��� I�m a long time listener, first-time caller.��� My league has a keeper list and I wanted to know if I

should keep Eric Gagne?���� �He seems to be healthy this spring�.

Arum:�� �Are you nuts?���� Everyone knows that relief pitchers are the work of the devil.�� �������

 

Caller:� �You seem to hate questions about closers.���� Some people call me Nick the Dick, and I�ll prove it.��� Is BJ Ryan worth

�protecting?� ���Who will emerge as closer in the Devil Rays bullpen?�� ��Should Rich Gossage be in the Hall of Fame?

Arum:�� �Next Question.���������

 

Caller:� �You remind of that Drew Rosenstein guy � you know the agent for Terrell Davis. ���Anyhow, this is your old buddy Clancy.

�I think the Red Sox could use Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis.���� I wanted your input on my trade idea.��� What do you

�think of the Red Sox giving up John Flaherty and Tony Grafannino for Cabrera and Willis�?

Arum:��� �Um � Clancy, how does this trade help the Marlins?��� They�re not going to trade their two best players for two back-ups.�

Clancy:�So, you think it�s a good idea too!�� The Red Sox will be impressed when I submit my resume for their GM position.�

Arum:�� �Clancy, the only GM position you should apply for is a General Motors crash test dummy.���� OK, let�s see if we can get a

��������������� �reasonably intelligent caller on the line.�

Caller:��Hi, this is Jeff Waskiewicz.��� (CLICK, the line is disconnected)

Arum:��Let�s try again�

 

Caller:� �What can my brother do to overcome the Curse of the Mormino to win his first fantasy baseball league?�

Arum:�� �Tell Rich to go to Yahoo, start a baseball fantasy league, and not tell anyone else about it.������� ������

 

Caller:� �Can you start a Montreal Expos fan club call-in talk show?�

Arum:�� �Dan, the only thing I remember about the Expos is that hairy, homosexual mascot named Youppi.�� There is no need to have a

��������������� �talk show about him.��� Just go to his website at: www.outsports.com/columns/20020913billkyouppi.htm������� ������

 

Caller:� �Last year, I joined long-established fantasy baseball league of 20 people, and I laid a can of whoop-ass on them.�

Arum:�� �That�s impressive!���� Winning in your first year is tough to do.�

Caller:� �Actually, I finished in a very respectable ninth place.��� But, I destroyed everyone in the bottom half of the RSERBBL.��� �

���� �����������What advice can you give me to achieve fantasy baseball success in 2006?�

Arum:�� �Don�t finish in last place!��� As long as you�re kicking one owner�s ass, you can brag about it.������

 

 

Caller:� �Are there any 2006 stats projecting services I should avoid using?� ��������

Arum:�� �Don�t use the RLSS (Rosalita Lopez Stats Service).���� She always projects her son, Rodrigo, as a second round pick.�����

 

Caller:� �This is Seattle Sam.��� If I get the first pick of the RSERBBL draft, should I draft Mariners phenom, Felix Hernandez?�

Arum:�� �Absolutely!��� Since you are even considering Hernandez with the first pick, there is no way you�ll ever win.���� ���So, view your

�������������� �first round pick as a long-term investment.��� Kinda like when Ken Griffey Jr. was drafted with the first overall pick in many

�������������� �1991 drafts and then protected into the 21st century.������� ������

 

Caller:� �Yo Mark, this is Fritz.�� I made that Griffey pick.�� How come you didn�t mention my name?��� Did you know that I�m ahead of

������������� ���you in the all-time RSERBBL standings?���� Is it true that I�ve won three more titles than you?����� When are you going to have

��me a guest on your show?���� Are you gonna cry when I kick your ass again this year? ����Ha, Ha, Ha!�� �How can I lose this year ������

� with Albert Pujols, Johan Santana ����� (CLICK, the line is disconnected)

Arum:�� �I have no idea who that was!�� �He sounds like a bitter, disillusioned, wanna-be talk show host.���� �Who do we have next?�����

 

Caller:� �Nobody is asking you real fantasy baseball questions!�� Leave it to Rich DeSalvo.�� Would you rather pick a 34 year old 1B/DH

�������������� �with an OPS of .960 for the Yakult Swallows the last three years, a 25 year old starter with a K/BB ratio of 5:2 in theAFL,

��������������� or a 25 year old Royals OF prospect with a .377 OBP with 37 SBs in AA and 6 HRs in intra-squad spring training games.

Arum:�� �What the hell are you taking about?���� No wonder you never win!��� ��OK, we have time for one last caller.������

 

Caller:�� �This is Wanker.�� Let�s start a Mark and Mark Sports Talk Show to compete against Mike and Mike in the morning.��

��������������� You could tout the greatness of Jeff Franceour to convince Fritz to protect him.���� Then, I could discuss great 2006 Pittsburgh

���������������� Pirate fantasy options like Joe Randa, Jack Wilson and Jose Castillo.���� How does this sound?������

Arum:�� �Touting Franceour is a great idea.��� Back in 1992, Keith protected Phil Plantier after he hit 11 HRs in a late season call-up.

������������� ���Maybe we can convince Fritz to be just as dumb.��� Unfortunately, co-hosting a show is a terrible idea.��� How can I co-host

��������������� with someone who says �Great 2006 Pirate fantasy options� in the same sentence?�� It proves why you haven�t won in 16 years.�����

����������������

��������������� OK folks, thanks for joining us.�� ��See you next week.��� Same baseball bat time, same baseball bat channel!�����

 

2005 TWEETY AWARD WINNER

As promised in last year�s Odds Letter, the RSERBBL will declare the winner of the annual Tweety Award to the owner with the worst draft day performance.�� �This year�s competition was stiff.� ��Rich was short ten draft picks, but thought he needed to uses his 11th round pick (sixth overall player) on a minor leaguer.�� Bob Cimini�s reliance on the RLSS made him an immediate contender.�� �Some eyebrows were also raised when Arum traded draft picks for Jose Reyes even though he already had Scott Podsednik and Carl Crawford.

 

But, the 2005 Tweety Award goes to � Jay Tarulli.���� Sure, he finished in a semi-respectable 7th place, but he should have finished much higher.� ����Re-examining Jay�s 2005 draft shows how he earned this year�s Tweety:�����

 

Mistake #1: After 10 rounds (18 picks), he only had one player capable of more than five SBs

������������������� If your only base-stealer is a 63 year old (Tony Womack), you aren�t going to do well in the category.

�����

Mistake #2: His two closers were among the bottom five closers on every owner�s draft list��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������

������������������� With a bunch of extra picks, how could Jay end up with two of the worst closers in baseball (Affeldt & Looper)?

����

Mistake #3: Picking all of his starting pitchers by round #9����

������������������� Jay should have saved a late pick to fill his fifth starter slot.���� Decent starters like Esteban Loiaza, Paul Byrd, Jeff Suppan,

������������ �������Kenny Rogers, and Jon Garland were all picked after round 20.���� Any would have been an adequate fifth starter.����

 

Mistake #4: Drafting both Mark Prior and Kerry Wood���

������������������� Both Prior and Wood had health questions going into 2005.� ��Taking a chance on one or the other wasn�t a bad strategy.

����� Taking both was. ���Once he nabbed Prior, his next SP should have been a safer pick (e.g., Mussina, Buehrle, L. Hernandez).

 

2006 ODDS

The 18th RSERBBL draft will be on April 8th, 2006.��� It is one of the older fantasy baseball leagues in America.��� �A tell-tale sign of the league�s age is that some owners turn 40 this year (Duck, Keith, Ken and Smith).��� Next year, Rich and Nick hit the big four-O.�� �It won�t be long before the SRSERBBLO (Sons of RSERBBL Owners) has more owners than the RSERBBL.����

 

What does this mean for the RSERBBL?��� Probably nothing!���� Then again, the 2006 Odds reflect that this may finally be the year that the league�s older owners start suffering mental lapses on draft day.������

 

 

�������� ����������������������������������2006

RSERBBL

ODDS

 

ODDS

 

OWNER

 

DRAFT� PICK� SITUATION

POSSIBLE KEEPERS

 

COMMENTS

 

4 : 1

BOB

Traded: ����17, 18, 19, 22, 24

Acquired: �10, 10, 13, 13, 16���������������������� �

Rodrigo Lopez

 

Bob isn�t a young pup, but he is one of the league�s younger owners.��� He has 21 picks in the first 16 rounds, and the last time Bob had extra picks, he won.��������

 

5 : 1

FRITZ

Traded:�� ��13

Acquired:� 19�

Albert Pujols

Johan Santana

Jason Isringhausen

Carlos Beltran

Except for extra draft picks, he has a lot going for him this year.��� He has above average keepers.��� He is younger than most owners.��� He is motivated (gunning to tie Duck for most career wins).����� ����

 

6 : 1

CLUNKY

Traded: �����5, 10, 12, 13

Acquired: ��18, 20, 20, 22

Miguel Tejada

A few other possibles

For all those owners who try to make fun of Clancy, please note that he is ahead of eight owners�������� �(Bob, Cohen, Fribble, Ken, Dan, Sam, Jeff and Smith) in the all time RSERBBL standings.����

 

7 : 1

JEFF

Traded: ����7, 11, 18

Acquired: �16, 19, 23

Manny Ramirez

Roy Oswalt

Rafael Palmeiro

For all those people who try to make fun of Jeff,� �please note that he is ahead of nobody in the all time RSERBBL standings.����

 

8 : 1

MATT

NO PICKS EXCHANGED

Mark Teixeira

Derrick/Carlos Lee

Is Matt Dickason his real name, or is that his stage name?

 

10 : 1

ANY NEW OWNER

NO PICKS EXCHANGED

NONE

If the new owner is over the age of 40, the odds increase to 100 : 1.

 

12 : 1

JAY

Traded:��� 14

Acquired: 25

Paul Konerko

Miguel Cabrera

Mark Prior

It might make sense for Jay to throw everyone back in, but it won�t happen.��� Jay seems to have a man-crush on Mark Prior.

 

15 : 1

ARUM

Traded:� 7, 10, 14, 16, 22��

Acquired: 15, 18, 20, 24, 25

A few possibilities

Arum plans to propose a 2006 rule change � eliminate the saves category.

 

20 : 1

COHEN

Traded:���� 20

Acquired:� 12

Mariano Rivera

Cohen is due to get lucky one of these years.

 

25 : 1

FRIBBLE

NO PICKS EXCHANGED

A few possibilities

So is Fribble.

 

30 : 1

MIKE D

NO PICKS EXCHANGED

NONE

Mike needs to pray that the Curse of the Mormino doesn�t apply to everyone in the DeSalvo family.

 

35 : 1

WANKER

Traded:����� 10��������������������������������������������� Acquired:�� 17

Bobby Abreu

Roy Halladay

Billy Wagner

Since the Curse rules out Rich as a possible 2006 champion, Wanker is due for a lucky year more than anyone else.���� Is this the year?��

 

40 : 1

NICK

Traded:������ 5, 6, 7, 25���������������������������������������������� Acquired:��� 14, 14, 16, 26��

David Ortiz

Vladimir Guerrero

BJ Ryan

Pedro Martinez

Last year�s silver medalist will be looking to recoup some draft picks.��� To get Big Papi last year, he paid a 5th for a 14th.���� Can he get someone to pay more in the off season?��� If yes, it�ll mean that he got Ortiz for free.

 

50 : 1

SMITH

Traded:��� 11, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 23, 24, 25��������

Acquired: 6, 7, 7, 7, 11, 14, 18, 19, 22�����

NONE

He�s getting old � but, owning 11 picks in the first seven rounds is very promising.�����

 

Unfortunately, his historical performance is not.����

 

75 : 1

SAM

Traded: ���20

Acquired: �5

Joe Nathan

Early in his RSERBBL career, Sam made the mistake of looking to Mike Smith for fantasy baseball advice.

 

100 : 1

RICH

Traded:��� 12, 14, 18����������������������������������������� Acquired:��� 5, 7, 10�

NONE

Rich has always made the mistake of looking to himself for fantasy baseball advice.��� Will his three extra picks be enough to break the �Curse�?�������

 

150 : 1

KEITH

Traded: ���16

Acquired: �24

Alex Rodriguez

A few other possibles

If you remove the asterisks and count his two partial season championships, Keith could tie Fritz this year for second place on the all-time RSERBBL wins list.

 

200 : 1

WILKE

NO PICKS EXCHANGED

Ichiro

Wilke just moved to Pittsburgh.�� ���He plans to pick Troy Polamalu as his non major leaguer� ,,, he is undoubtedly the best hitter in Steel City.

 

250 : 1

KEN

NO PICKS EXCHANGED

A few possibilities

Ken seemed to have drafted a good team last year.��� But, Barry Bonds and Magglio Ordonez turned out to be wasted picks.�� They led him to a 12th place finish.�����

 

500 : 1

DAN

NO PICKS EXCHANGED

A few possibilities

Upset when UTony dropped out.���� It left Dan as the oldest guy in the league.����

 

1000 : 1

DUCK

Traded:����� 6, 7, 19������������������������������������������� Acquired:� 11, 12, 22�

K-Rod

Brad Lidge

Chris Carpenter

Jake Peavy

Doesn�t have the greatest keepers.��� He�s getting old.��� He�s missing two picks in the first seven rounds.������ Not a threat.