AP Photo- Mark Arum, winner of the
2000 RSERBBL, �����������������
recently hosted a national fantasy baseball radio call-in show.���
ATLANTA, GA �The RSERBBL is more than a bunch of engineering geeks turned sports geeks.��� One league member, Mark Arum, is a well-renowned talk radio personality in Atlanta.���� Recently, he hosted a nationally broadcasted fantasy baseball call-in show.���� The transcript is contained below.
Arum:�� �Welcome to the Mark Arum Super-Genius Fantasy Baseball Hour.�� This morning, we�re broadcast nationally, and
��������������� I�m taking questions to help you kick some butt in your 2006 fantasy baseball league.��� So, let�s go straight to our callers!�������
Caller:� �This is Mike Smith from Eastbuttphuck, Montana.����� What would you do with fourteen picks in the first ten rounds�?�����
Arum:���Win�
Smith:�� �How would you do that�?�����
Arum:�� �Pick good players.�
Smith:�� �Thanks, Mark!���� Now I know why I haven�t done so well in the RSERBBL.��� I haven�t been picking good players.�
Arum:�� �That�s the kind of expert opinion Mark Arum is known for.��� Let�s go to our next caller.�
�����
Caller:� �This is Dave Fribourg.��� I�m a long time listener, first-time caller.��� My league has a keeper list and I wanted to know if I
should keep Eric Gagne?���� �He seems to be healthy this spring�.
Arum:�� �Are you nuts?���� Everyone knows that relief pitchers are the work of the devil.�� �������
Caller:� �You seem to hate questions about closers.���� Some people call me Nick the Dick, and I�ll prove it.��� Is BJ Ryan worth
�protecting?� ���Who will emerge as closer in the Devil Rays bullpen?�� ��Should Rich Gossage be in the Hall of Fame?
Arum:�� �Next Question.���������
Caller:� �You remind of that Drew Rosenstein guy � you know the agent for Terrell Davis. ���Anyhow, this is your old buddy Clancy.
�I think the Red Sox could use Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis.���� I wanted your input on my trade idea.��� What do you
�think of the Red Sox giving up John Flaherty and Tony Grafannino for Cabrera and Willis�?
Arum:��� �Um � Clancy, how does this trade help the Marlins?��� They�re not going to trade their two best players for two back-ups.�
Clancy:�So, you think it�s a good idea too!�� The Red Sox will be impressed when I submit my resume for their GM position.�
Arum:�� �Clancy, the only GM position you should apply for is a General Motors crash test dummy.���� OK, let�s see if we can get a
��������������� �reasonably intelligent caller on the line.�
�
Caller:��Hi, this is Jeff Waskiewicz.��� (CLICK, the line is disconnected)
Arum:��Let�s try again�
Caller:� �What can my brother do to overcome the Curse of the Mormino to win his first fantasy baseball league?�
Arum:�� �Tell Rich to go to Yahoo, start a baseball fantasy league, and not tell anyone else about it.������� ������
Caller:� �Can you start a Montreal Expos fan club call-in talk show?�
Arum:�� �Dan, the only thing I remember about the Expos is that hairy, homosexual mascot named Youppi.�� There is no need to have a
��������������� �talk show about him.��� Just go to his website at: www.outsports.com/columns/20020913billkyouppi.htm������� ������
Caller:� �Last year, I joined long-established fantasy baseball league of 20 people, and I laid a can of whoop-ass on them.�
Arum:�� �That�s impressive!���� Winning in your first year is tough to do.�
Caller:� �Actually, I finished in a very respectable ninth place.��� But, I destroyed everyone in the bottom half of the RSERBBL.��� �
���� �����������What advice can you give me to achieve fantasy baseball success in 2006?�
Arum:�� �Don�t finish in last place!��� As long as you�re kicking one owner�s ass, you can brag about it.������
�
Caller:� �Are there any 2006 stats projecting services I should avoid using?� ��������
Arum:�� �Don�t use the RLSS (Rosalita Lopez Stats Service).���� She always projects her son, Rodrigo, as a second round pick.�����
Caller:� �This is Seattle Sam.��� If I get the first pick of the RSERBBL draft, should I draft Mariners phenom, Felix Hernandez?�
Arum:�� �Absolutely!��� Since you are even considering Hernandez with the first pick, there is no way you�ll ever win.���� ���So, view your
�������������� �first round pick as a long-term investment.��� Kinda like when Ken Griffey Jr. was drafted with the first overall pick in many
�������������� �1991 drafts and then protected into the 21st century.������� ������
Caller:� �Yo Mark, this is Fritz.�� I made that Griffey pick.�� How come you didn�t mention my name?��� Did you know that I�m ahead of
������������� ���you in the all-time RSERBBL standings?���� Is it true that I�ve won three more titles than you?����� When are you going to have
��me a guest on your show?���� Are you gonna cry when I kick your ass again this year? ����Ha, Ha, Ha!�� �How can I lose this year ������
� with Albert Pujols, Johan Santana ����� (CLICK, the line is disconnected)
Arum:�� �I have no idea who that was!�� �He sounds like a bitter, disillusioned, wanna-be talk show host.���� �Who do we have next?�����
Caller:� �Nobody is asking you real fantasy baseball questions!�� Leave it to Rich DeSalvo.�� Would you rather pick a 34 year old 1B/DH
�������������� �with an OPS of .960 for the Yakult Swallows the last three years, a 25 year old starter with a K/BB ratio of 5:2 in theAFL,
��������������� or a 25 year old Royals OF prospect with a .377 OBP with 37 SBs in AA and 6 HRs in intra-squad spring training games.
Arum:�� �What the hell are you taking about?���� No wonder you never win!��� ��OK, we have time for one last caller.������
Caller:�� �This is Wanker.�� Let�s start a Mark and Mark Sports Talk Show to compete against Mike and Mike in the morning.��
��������������� You could tout the greatness of Jeff Franceour to convince Fritz to protect him.���� Then, I could discuss great 2006 Pittsburgh
���������������� Pirate fantasy options like Joe Randa, Jack Wilson and Jose Castillo.���� How does this sound?������
Arum:�� �Touting Franceour is a great idea.��� Back in 1992, Keith protected Phil Plantier after he hit 11 HRs in a late season call-up.
������������� ���Maybe we can convince Fritz to be just as dumb.��� Unfortunately, co-hosting a show is a terrible idea.��� How can I co-host
��������������� with someone who says �Great 2006 Pirate fantasy options� in the same sentence?�� It proves why you haven�t won in 16 years.�����
����������������
��������������� OK folks, thanks for joining us.�� ��See you next week.��� Same baseball bat time, same baseball bat channel!�����
�
2005 TWEETY AWARD WINNER
As promised in last year�s Odds Letter, the RSERBBL will declare the winner of the annual Tweety Award to the owner with the worst draft day performance.�� �This year�s competition was stiff.� ��Rich was short ten draft picks, but thought he needed to uses his 11th round pick (sixth overall player) on a minor leaguer.�� Bob Cimini�s reliance on the RLSS made him an immediate contender.�� �Some eyebrows were also raised when Arum traded draft picks for Jose Reyes even though he already had Scott Podsednik and Carl Crawford.
But, the 2005 Tweety Award goes to � Jay Tarulli.���� Sure, he finished in a semi-respectable 7th place, but he should have finished much higher.� ����Re-examining Jay�s 2005 draft shows how he earned this year�s Tweety:�����
Mistake #1: After 10 rounds (18 picks), he only had one player capable of more than five SBs
������������������� If your only base-stealer is a 63 year old (Tony Womack), you aren�t going to do well in the category.
�����
Mistake #2: His two closers were among the bottom five closers on every owner�s draft list��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
������������������� With a bunch of extra picks, how could Jay end up with two of the worst closers in baseball (Affeldt & Looper)?
����
Mistake #3: Picking all of his starting pitchers by round #9����
������������������� Jay should have saved a late pick to fill his fifth starter slot.���� Decent starters like Esteban Loiaza, Paul Byrd, Jeff Suppan,
������������ �������Kenny Rogers, and Jon Garland were all picked after round 20.���� Any would have been an adequate fifth starter.����
Mistake #4: Drafting both Mark Prior and Kerry Wood���
������������������� Both Prior and Wood had health questions going into 2005.� ��Taking a chance on one or the other wasn�t a bad strategy.
����� Taking both was. ���Once he nabbed Prior, his next SP should have been a safer pick (e.g., Mussina, Buehrle, L. Hernandez).
�
2006 ODDS
The 18th RSERBBL draft will be on April 8th, 2006.��� It is one of the older fantasy baseball leagues in America.��� �A tell-tale sign of the league�s age is that some owners turn 40 this year (Duck, Keith, Ken and Smith).��� Next year, Rich and Nick hit the big four-O.�� �It won�t be long before the SRSERBBLO (Sons of RSERBBL Owners) has more owners than the RSERBBL.����
What does this mean for the RSERBBL?��� Probably nothing!���� Then again, the 2006 Odds reflect that this may finally be the year that the league�s older owners start suffering mental lapses on draft day.������
��������� ����������������������������������2006 |
RSERBBL |
ODDS |
|||
ODDS |
OWNER |
DRAFT� PICK� SITUATION |
POSSIBLE KEEPERS |
COMMENTS |
|
4 : 1 |
BOB |
Traded: ����17, 18, 19, 22, 24 Acquired: �10, 10, 13, 13, 16���������������������� � |
Rodrigo Lopez
|
Bob isn�t a young pup, but he is one of the league�s younger owners.��� He has 21 picks in the first 16 rounds, and the last time Bob had extra picks, he won.�������� |
|
5 : 1 |
FRITZ |
Traded:�� ��13 Acquired:� 19� |
Albert Pujols Johan Santana Jason Isringhausen Carlos Beltran |
Except for extra draft picks, he has a lot going for him this year.��� He has above average keepers.��� He is younger than most owners.��� He is motivated (gunning to tie Duck for most career wins).����� ���� |
|
6 : 1 |
CLUNKY |
Traded: �����5, 10, 12, 13 Acquired: ��18, 20, 20, 22 |
Miguel Tejada A few other possibles |
For all those owners who try to make fun of Clancy, please note that he is ahead of eight owners�������� �(Bob, Cohen, Fribble, Ken, Dan, Sam, Jeff and Smith) in the all time RSERBBL standings.���� |
|
7 : 1 |
JEFF |
Traded: ����7, 11, 18 Acquired: �16, 19, 23 |
Manny Ramirez Roy Oswalt Rafael Palmeiro |
For all those people who try to make fun of Jeff,� �please note that he is ahead of nobody in the all time RSERBBL standings.���� |
|
8 : 1 |
MATT |
NO PICKS EXCHANGED |
Mark Teixeira Derrick/Carlos Lee |
Is Matt Dickason his real name, or is that his stage name? |
|
10 : 1 |
ANY NEW OWNER |
NO PICKS EXCHANGED |
NONE |
If the new owner is over the age of 40, the odds increase to 100 : 1. |
|
12 : 1 |
JAY |
Traded:��� 14 Acquired: 25 |
Paul Konerko Miguel Cabrera Mark Prior |
It might make sense for Jay to throw everyone back in, but it won�t happen.��� Jay seems to have a man-crush on Mark Prior. |
|
15 : 1 |
ARUM |
Traded:� 7, 10, 14, 16, 22�� Acquired: 15, 18, 20, 24, 25 |
A few possibilities |
Arum plans to propose a 2006 rule change � eliminate the saves category. |
|
20 : 1 |
COHEN |
Traded:���� 20 Acquired:� 12 |
Mariano Rivera |
Cohen is due to get lucky one of these years. |
|
25 : 1 |
FRIBBLE |
NO PICKS EXCHANGED |
A few possibilities |
So is Fribble. |
|
30 : 1 |
MIKE D |
NO PICKS EXCHANGED |
NONE |
Mike needs to pray that the Curse of the Mormino doesn�t apply to everyone in the DeSalvo family. |
|
35 : 1 |
WANKER |
Traded:����� 10��������������������������������������������� Acquired:�� 17 |
Bobby Abreu Roy Halladay Billy Wagner |
Since the Curse rules out Rich as a possible 2006 champion, Wanker is due for a lucky year more than anyone else.���� Is this the year?�� |
|
40 : 1 |
NICK |
Traded:������ 5, 6, 7, 25���������������������������������������������� Acquired:��� 14, 14, 16, 26�� |
David Ortiz Vladimir Guerrero BJ Ryan Pedro Martinez |
Last year�s silver medalist will be looking to recoup some draft picks.��� To get Big Papi last year, he paid a 5th for a 14th.���� Can he get someone to pay more in the off season?��� If yes, it�ll mean that he got Ortiz for free. |
|
50 : 1 |
SMITH |
Traded:��� 11, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 23, 24, 25�������� Acquired: 6, 7, 7, 7, 11, 14, 18, 19, 22����� |
NONE |
He�s getting old � but, owning 11 picks in the first seven rounds is very promising.�����
Unfortunately, his historical performance is not.���� |
|
75 : 1 |
SAM |
Traded: ���20 Acquired: �5 |
Joe Nathan |
Early in his RSERBBL career, Sam made the mistake of looking to Mike Smith for fantasy baseball advice. |
|
100 : 1 |
RICH |
Traded:��� 12, 14, 18����������������������������������������� Acquired:��� 5, 7, 10� |
NONE |
Rich has always made the mistake of looking to himself for fantasy baseball advice.��� Will his three extra picks be enough to break the �Curse�?������� |
|
150 : 1 |
KEITH |
Traded: ���16Acquired: �24 |
Alex Rodriguez A few other possibles |
If you remove the asterisks and count his two partial season championships, Keith could tie Fritz this year for second place on the all-time RSERBBL wins list. |
|
200 : 1 |
WILKE |
NO PICKS EXCHANGED |
Ichiro |
Wilke just moved to Pittsburgh.�� ���He plans to pick Troy Polamalu as his non major leaguer� ,,, he is undoubtedly the best hitter in Steel City. |
|
250 : 1 |
KEN |
NO PICKS EXCHANGED |
A few possibilities |
Ken seemed to have drafted a good team last year.��� But, Barry Bonds and Magglio Ordonez turned out to be wasted picks.�� They led him to a 12th place finish.����� |
|
500 : 1 |
DAN |
NO PICKS EXCHANGED |
A few possibilities |
Upset when UTony dropped out.���� It left Dan as the oldest guy in the league.���� |
|
1000 : 1 |
DUCK |
Traded:����� 6, 7, 19������������������������������������������� Acquired:� 11, 12, 22� |
K-Rod Brad Lidge Chris Carpenter Jake Peavy |
Doesn�t have the greatest keepers.��� He�s getting old.��� He�s missing two picks in the first seven rounds.������ Not a threat. |
|