RSERBBL Baseball

Keith with Cup
Keith Carangelo proudly displaying his 1999 RSERBBL Championship trophy.

Baseball weekly -- By John Hunt

RSERBBL HEADS INTO IT�S 14th SEASON WITH A FAMILIAR FACE POSTED AS THIS YEAR�S ODDS-ON-FAVORITE

BOSTON � Nowadays, Keith Carangelo has a lot to smile about. He has a new wife, a new house, and a new outlook on life. But, the reason you see him smiling in the picture above is because of his rosy outlook on the 2002 RSERBBL baseball season. Established as this year�s favorite by Las Vegas oddsmakers, Carangelo has set his sights on becoming the first four-time winner of the RSERBBL.

With the start of spring training, everyone knows that baseball is in the air and the start of the RSERBBL�s 14th season is not too far away. Everyone except for Duck has already forgotten who won in 2001. Hope springs eternal for every owner going into the 2002 season. But, there can be only one favorite for the 2002 RSERBBL season, and Baseball Weekly�s staff of reporters tracked him down.

It didn�t take us long to understand what makes the RSERBBL tick. The competitive fire that exists between Carangelo and his fellow RSERBBL owners was evident as Keith explained, �I don�t think I get the respect I deserve. Just call me the Rodney Dangerfield of the league. I�m a three-time champion, I was the commissioner for a decade, and I even kept track of all statistics for a decade. If I retired today, I would be elected to the RSERBBL Hall of Fame on the first ballot.�

Carangelo was a little perplexed when reporters in the room explained to him that there is no such thing as the RSERBBL Hall of Fame. Carangelo spouted out, �Then, I�ll create it, I�ll name myself commissioner, and I�ll make the rules allowing others to enter.� Carangelo�s contempt for other owners was illustrated as he continued, �And, another thing! I don�t care what that Duck jerk says. All three of my baseball wins are legitimate. Just because two of my victories occurred in strike-shortened seasons, that does not diminish my accomplishments.�

The tone of Carangelo�s voice was much more pleasant when he discussed his outlook on the 2002 season. He explained his optimism as follows, �My 2001 baseball season was a big disappointment. But, I was smart enough to cut my losses, pack it in early and rebuild for 2002. I was also smart enough to take advantage of the never-before-seen draft pick trading frenzy. Can you say Soooooooooooper-Genius? It would be a crime if anyone else were named the favorite going into 2002. With my track record for success and 15 picks in the first 11 rounds, I might runaway with the title like I did in football this year. Heck, I wouldn�t be surprised if it�s equivalent to watching Secretariat winning the Belmont Stakes.�

One of the reporters asked, �Well, if you are such a super-genius, then why did your baseball team stink so bad last year?� Carangelo snapped back, �Listen you little punk. If you think you could dominate in the RSE baseball league every year, then why don�t you give it a try yourself.�

Even though Carangelo�s arrogance is irritating, his optimism seems well founded. His past success is evident. The extra draft picks gives him some room for error. He can make one or two minor mistakes during this year�s draft, and still come out smelling like roses. Carangelo will be tough to beat in 2002.

However, several other RSERBBL owners had a few things to say about the controversial Carangelo:

Commissioner Rich DeSalvo reasoned, �I have fine-tuned my model that predicts final standings before we conduct our draft. It is based on every owner�s established draft tendencies, their draft pick situation, their protectable players, and it is inversely proportional to the amount of luck they have had in prior seasons. The predicted standings for 2002 are 1) Rich, 2) Sam, 3) Bob, 4) Dan and 5) Tietz. As you can tell, Keith isn�t even in the top five. This model proves that everyone has to worry about me this year.�

Fritz Strydom said �I don�t care what draft picks he�s got. I�m gonna win. Midway through the season, I plan to suggest rule changes that only benefit my team. After that, I�ll be �golden� �.

Mike Smith asked, �Is Keith willing to trade me his 2003 draft picks for anybody on my team?�

Mike Nichols stated, �Yeah, I agree that Keith is my favorite, but it�s not for winning the baseball league. That greasy guinea, wop, stupid-ass pollack, geek is my favorite SOB to beat the crap out of.�

Mark Arum countered, �I�ve never met this Keith guy. But, he sure sounds like a putz. I�ve kicked his ass the last two years in this RSE league and I will do it again.�

Michael McKnight (Kitt) sneered, �It�s impossible for Keith to win in 2002 because he�s not doing the statistics anymore.�

Mark Schwanekamp�s (Wanker) lack of respect for Carangelo is evident, �It�s hard to take Keith seriously. After all, we�re talking about a guy who once protected Phil Plantier, and a guy who backed out of the 1990 draft because he had to spend Easter with his family. Isn�t that pathetic?�

Clancy boasted, �What the hell do those Las Vegas oddsmakers know? I should be the odds-on- favorite. Before this year�s draft, I plan to acquire Ichiro Suzuki, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Todd Helton, Mike Piazza, Randy Johnson, Roger Clemens, Curt Schilling, Trevor Hoffman, and Billy Wagner for my 20th round pick.�

Only one thing is for sure. Time will tell. The 2002 RSERBBL draft will be on 4/6/2002. There might be a few draft pick trades before then to change the odds. But, with the amount of research conducted by the Las Vegas oddsmakers, it�s hard to imagine any big changes in the odds before the draft starts.

Read �em and weep!

2002 ODDS
ODDS	OWNER	DRAFT PICK SITUATION	POSSIBLE PROTECTED PLAYERS	COMMENTS
3 to 1	KEITH	VERY FAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 12, 13, 14, 18 and 21 Picks Acquired: 5, 6, 6, 10, and 13	KAZUHIRO SASAKI	Hate him or hate him, he has to be the favorite. 15 picks in the top 11 rounds. He is a three-time winner (although two were in tainted strike-shortened seasons). Let's hope for SI cover jinx.
4 to 1	BOB	VERY FAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 14, 17, 22, 24 Picks Acquired: 4, 7, 10, 12	NONE	Buffalo Bob is definitely due for a "W". With 17 picks in the first 13 rounds, we'll find out if Bob's computer program can win if it has an advantage with extra draft picks
5 to 1	SAM	VERY FAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 19, 20 and 22 Picks Acquired : 8, 9 and 10	NONE	Seattle Slew won the Kentucky Derby. Why can't Seattle Sam conquer the RSERBBL? He owns 13 picks in the top 10 rounds and the picks he lost are very late in the draft.
6 to 1	DUCK	UNFAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 3 and 6 Picks Acquired : 11 and 12	RANDY JOHNSON	Only has 4 picks in the first 6 rounds. But, you cannot ignore the defending champ�s credentials ... a three-time winner, who also has two 2nd place finishes in the last four years. Expect him to be up for the challenge.
8 to 1	FRITZ	UNFAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 7 and 12 Picks Acquired: 17 and 22	KEN GRIFFEY Jr. ALBERT PUJOLS AND SEVERAL POSSIBILITIES	Only owns 10 picks in the first 12 rounds. Three-time winner always finds a way to contend. The big question � will Fritz protect Junior for an 11th consecutive season?
10 to 1	MARK	UNFAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 6, 10 and 13 Picks Acquired: 12,18 and 22	SEVERAL POSSIBILITIES	Winner in 2000 proved last year that he could overcome the loss of draft picks and still contend. But, he had to trade three more draft picks to do it.
12 to 1	DAN	FAVORABLE: Picks Traded : 11 and 12 Picks Acquired : 4 and 6	NONE	Last year�s last place finisher will be trying to prove himself as a smart guy to his little boy. Eight picks in the first six rounds helps. His lousy team last year gives him the best chance at getting A-Rod, but trying to prove Dan to be smart still sounds impossible!
12 to 1	FRIBBLE	FAVORABLE: Picks Traded : 8 and 11 Picks Acquired: 3 and 10	NONE	The extra third rounder is a big help. Vegas oddsmakers are figuring that he�s due.
15 to 1	JEFF	FAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 7 and 16 Picks Acquired : 5 and 10	MANNY RAMIREZ	Will root for Manny to smash 100 HR's this year. Critics say that he needs that type of performance to win.
20 to 1	KITT	FAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 18 Picks Acquired : 6	JUAN GONZALEZ, IVAN RODRIGUEZ	Has proven in the past that gaining draft picks won't help him much. But, oddsmakers are sure that Kitt will use the "Try to contend every other year strategy" and sacrifice his 2003 draft to try to win this year
25 to 1	TIETZ	FAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 12 and 18 Picks Acquired : 4 and 11	KEITH FOULKE	Not much of a track record for success, but the extra 4th round pick will help. Picking a bunch of 2002 Mariners may not be a bad strategy.
30 to 1	NICK	UNFAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 4 and 5 Picks Acquired: 11 and 13	SEVERAL POSSIBILITIES	The 1996 champion is facing a challenging year. Only three picks in the first five rounds, many other owners with draft pick advantages, and the thoughts of proposing to Jill impairing his draft preparation.
35 to 1	CLANCY	AVERAGE Picks Traded: 10 Picks Acquired : 7	SEVERAL POSSIBILITIES	Got off to a great start last year. But, would you say it was luck? You might rabbit, you might! (Only die-hard Bugs Bunny fans will get this joke). Clancy has to prove otherwise to silence his critics.
40 to 1	ANY NEW OWNER	AVERAGE: Picks Traded: NONE Picks Acquired: NONE	NONE	A few years ago, this would have been ranked at 1000:1. But, Mark's victory in 2000 proved that we're not as smart as we might have thought.
50 to 1	WANKER	UNFAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 6 Picks Acquired: 21	SEVERAL POSSIBILITIES	Vegas found it tough to put long odds on this two-time winner. But, he's missing a key pick. And, in the last 11 years, Wanker has won the same number of times as Rich � ZERO.
75 to 1	COHEN	AVERAGE Picks Traded: NONE Picks Acquired : NONE	MARIANO RIVERA, ROGER CLEMENS, and SEVERAL OTHER YANKEES	Every year, half his team is Yankees. Has anyone told Cohen that MLB playoff statistics are not included in our fantasy leagues statistics?
100 to 1	KEN	UNFAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 3 Picks Acquired: 16	PEDRO MARTINEZ, and SEVERAL OTHER POSSIBILITIES	The move back to Boston means that Ken may pick 10 Red Sox players. If he does, Ken�s odds will skyrocket to 1,000,000:1. But, stranger things have happened. The Patriots did win the Super Bowl this year.
1000 to 1	RICH	UNFAVORABLE: Picks Traded: 4, 5, 10, and 16 Picks Acquired: 3, 14, 16, and 24	MANY POSSIBILITIES: LUIS GONZALEZ, SAMMY SOSA, JASON GIAMBI, SHAWN GREEN, CURT SCHILLING, MIKE PIAZZA	About the best thing you can say about Rich�s chances is that he�s due. Last year, he took a calculated risk and traded away picks to try to win. Like every other strategy Rich has tried, it failed miserably.
Infinity to 1	U TONY And HARRIS	N / A ... DROPPED OUT OF THE LEAGUE	NONE	These retired RSERBBL owners still have a better chance of winning than one of the league�s active owners. If these owners were still active: Harris = 8 : 1, and UTony = 25 : 1
Infinity + 1 to 1	SMITH	CAN'T GET MUCH WORSE Picks Traded: 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 15 Picks Acquired: 12, 14, 18, 18, 19, 20, 20	ICHIRO SUZUKI, BARRY BONDS, TODD HELTON, AND SEVERAL OTHER POSSIBILITIES	The Miracle on Ice in 1980, Buster Douglas over Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson marrying a woman � those weren't upsets! Smith winning in 2002. Now, that would be an upset!

Keith Carangelo
E-mail: [email protected]